Arranged marriages - a union of more than love | The Daily Telegraph

Arranged marriages - a union of more than love | The Daily Telegraph: "Experts agreed that, while arranged marriages could be viewed as archaic, the idea that love and romance can sustain a family was seen as outdated in some cultures.

Statistics show 30 per cent of marriages in Australia end in divorce. Anecdotally, only about 4 per cent of arranged unions meet the same fate - possibly because divorce is not part of the culture."

Marriage in Islam: Is it Islamically acceptable for a woman to propose to a man?

In most marriages it's the man who propose to the woman, why it's not the opposite? or on a par with each other? Is it disgraceful for a Muslim woman to propose to a Muslim man?

It's widely known that the first marriage for the Prophet Mohammad was his first and most beloved wife Khadeejah who proposed to him indirectly. Khadeejah was impressed with the personality of the Prophet and she wanted to marry him. So she sent her friend Nafeesah bint Maniyyah to probe his stance regarding marriage.

Nafeesah: Mohammad, why you are not married yet?
The Prophet: I'm not ready yet (financially)
Nafeesah: What if you don't have to worry about that and found a girl that's wealthy, beautiful, noble, and dignified?
The Prophet: Who is she?
Nafeesah: Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid
The Prophet: How is that possible? I'm an orphan and not rich while she's very noble and wealthy
Nafeesah: Yes, it's possible, I'll take care of that.

ٍSo it was, Nafeesah liaised the marriage and the Prophet happily got married to Khadeejah.

نفيسة: يا محمد ما يمنعك أن تتزوج؟

الرسول (ص): ما بيدي ما أتزوج به..

نفيسة: فإن كفيت ذلك... ودعيت إلى المال... والجمال... والشرف... والكفاية.. ألا تجيب؟

الرسول (ص): فمن هي؟

نفيسة: خديجة بنت خويلد..

الرسول (ص): وكيف لي بذلك يا نفيسة؟ وأنا يتيم قريش، وهي أيم قريش ذات الجاه العظيم والثروة الواسعة.

فقالت نفيسة: قل بلى وأنا أفعل

Also Quraan narrates the story of Prophet Moses/Mosah's marriage to Jethro/Shuaib's daughter and how she indirectly proposed to him and got married.

And when he came to the well of Madyan, he found there a crowd of people watering [their flocks], and he found aside from them two women driving back [their flocks]. He said, "What is your circumstance?" They said, "We do not water until the shepherds dispatch [their flocks]; and our father is an old man."

So he watered [their flocks] for them; then he went back to the shade and said, "My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need."

Then one of the two women came to him walking with shyness. She said, "Indeed, my father invites you that he may reward you for having watered for us." So when he came to him and related to him the story, he said, "Fear not. You have escaped from the wrongdoing people."

One of the women said, "O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy."

He said, "Indeed, I wish to wed you one of these, my two daughters, on [the condition] that you serve me for eight years; but if you complete ten, it will be [as a favor] from you. And I do not wish to put you in difficulty. You will find me, if Allah wills, from among the righteous."

Quraan 28:23-27

وَلَمَّا وَرَدَ مَاء مَدْيَنَ وَجَدَ عَلَيْهِ أُمَّةً مِّنَ النَّاسِ يَسْقُونَ وَوَجَدَ مِن دُونِهِمُ امْرَأتَيْنِ تَذُودَانِ قَالَ مَا خَطْبُكُمَا قَالَتَا لا نَسْقِي حَتَّى يُصْدِرَ الرِّعَاء وَأَبُونَا شَيْخٌ كَبِيرٌ

فَسَقَى لَهُمَا ثُمَّ تَوَلَّى إِلَى الظِّلِّ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

فَجَاءَتْهُ إِحْدَاهُمَا تَمْشِي عَلَى اسْتِحْيَاء قَالَتْ إِنَّ أَبِي يَدْعُوكَ لِيَجْزِيَكَ أَجْرَ مَا سَقَيْتَ لَنَا فَلَمَّا جَاءَهُ وَقَصَّ عَلَيْهِ الْقَصَصَ قَالَ لا تَخَفْ نَجَوْتَ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ

قَالَتْ إِحْدَاهُمَا يَا أَبَتِ اسْتَأْجِرْهُ إِنَّ خَيْرَ مَنِ اسْتَأْجَرْتَ الْقَوِيُّ الأَمِينُ

قَالَ إِنِّي أُرِيدُ أَنْ أُنكِحَكَ إِحْدَى ابْنَتَيَّ هَاتَيْنِ عَلَى أَن تَأْجُرَنِي ثَمَانِيَ حِجَجٍ فَإِنْ أَتْمَمْتَ عَشْرًا فَمِنْ عِندِكَ وَمَا أُرِيدُ أَنْ أَشُقَّ عَلَيْكَ سَتَجِدُنِي إِن شَاء اللَّهُ مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

القصص : ٢٣-٢٧

Obviously it's Islamically acceptable for a Muslim woman to decently (preferably indirectly) approach a Muslim man for marriage, it's rather recommended especially if the man is a decent and suitable person, more particularly if that person doesn't know much about the woman and how she feels about him, he could be interested in her as well but he may not know enough about her, that's quite common in Muslim societies especially in the non-mix ones where women have private/closed personality because of shyness and timidity while men are usually more open, it's not easy for some men to approach a woman for marriage if he doesn't know her or doesn't know enough about her, basically a person can't be loved until he/she is well-known to the other person.

Marriage in Islam: Is marriage really half the religion/Deen?

All Islamic sects (Sunnah & Shia) decree that marriage is not compulsory/Wajib, so if marriage is not compulsory then how it can be half of Islam/Deen/religion?! Certainly that can't be true. Yes, there are some Hadiths for the Prophet regarding that like he said:

” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”

عن أنس رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه و آله وسلم قال: من رزقه الله امرأة صالحة فقد أعانه على شطر دينه فليتق الله في الشطر الباقي. رواه الطبراني في الأوسط والحاكم ومن طريقه للبيهقي وقال الحاكم صحيح الإسناد، وفي رواية البيهقي قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله و سلم: إذا تزوج العبد فقد استكمل نصف الدين فليتق الله في النصف الباقي. حسنه الألباني في صحيح الترغيب والترهيب

.

If those Hadiths are true, then what did the Prophet mean by Deen in this context? Is it really religion/Islam? or something else? The word "Deen" as a term means "Religion" but linguistically it has different meanings. One of the Arabic meanings for the word Deen "دين" is "a lifestyle", but nowadays it commonly refers to "religion/doctrine" or "religious lifestyle":

لسان العرب:
الدَّيْدانُ والدَّيْدَنُ والدِّين: العادة، تقول: ما زال ذلك دَيدَنَه ودَيدَانه ودِينَه ودأْبَه وعادَتَه وسَدَمه وهِجِّيرَه وهِجِّيراه واهْجِيراه ودُرابَتَه


الصّحّاح في اللغة:
والدينُ بالكسر: العادةُ والشأن


مقاييس اللغة:
فإنّ الأصمعيّ قال: المَرَانة اسمُ ناقَتِه، وكانت تَعرِفُ ذلك الطريقَ، فلذلك قال: لا أكلِّفُها إلاّ المَرانة. حَتَّى تعرف الدِّين: أي الحالَ والأمر الذي تَعهده. فأراد لا أكلف بلوغَ هذه الدار إِلاّ ناقتي


القاموس المحيط:
والدِّيْنُ، بالكسر: الجَزاءُ، وقد دِنْتُه، بالكسر، دَيْناً، ويُكْسَرُ، والإِسْلامُ، وقد دِنْتُ به، بالكسر، والعادةُ، والعِبادةُ، والمُوَاظِبُ من الأَمْطَارِ، أو اللَّيِّنُ منها، والطاعة>

According to Islam this life is a test which is to live it according to religion (The Message of Islam/Islamic doctrine). Thus, the Hadith may was referring to the marriage as half of person's life because a married person spends almost half of his time with his wife (~8 hours = sleeping, ~4 hours = hanging out), thus if that time will be spent wisely (hence "virtuous wife" not "any wife") according to religion then he basically fulfilled half of his test. I think the Hadith can be applied to both men and women like in many Quranic verses even though it was talking about the husband. In other words, I think the Hadiths indicate that marriage is half one's life (or time) and if it's virtuous and righteous then it means the person managed to live half of his/her time righteously as Allah loves to.

Marriage in Islam: Is Temporary Marriage/Mutah Halal?

What's Temporary Marriage/Mutah?
It's basically the same as normal (permanent) marriage except as the name implies it's temporary, in other words the couple may remain married only for a definite period of time. There's dowry, consent of guardian, Idaa, sex, children responsibilities, etc .. However, there are other minor differences between the permanent marriage and the temporary one, for example the couple don't inherit each other and it's not compulsory for the husband to cover the basic living expenses as is the case with the permanent marriage. Nonetheless, it's a marriage contract where each party can lay down their own conditions.

Is Temporary Marriage/Mutah Halal/permissible?
All Islamic sects (Sunnah & Shia) agree that Temporary Marriage/Mutah was Halal/permissible during the Prophet lifetime but they disagree whether it remained Halal during the Prophet lifetime or he himself forbade it during his lifetime (i.e. revoked its permissibility) or someone else did so.

On one hand Shia Muslims believe it's still Halal as the Prophet didn't revoke its permissibility during his lifetime and they believe that nobody with no exception can reverse the Prophet verdicts. On the other hand, the majority of Sunni Muslims believe it's no longer Halal, some of them cite that the Prophet revoked its permissibility during his lifetime while others consider it Haram because the 2nd Caliph revoked it. Ironically, there are Hadiths that support each claim but according to my search it seems that there are more robust Hadiths that affirm it was actually the second Caliph who forbade Mutah. Herein a robust/Sahih Hadith from Sahih Muslim as an example:

Jabir b. 'Abdullah reported: We contracted temporary marriage giving a handful of (tales or flour as a dower during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and durnig the time of Abu Bakr until 'Umar forbade it in the case of 'Amr b. Huraith.

Sahih Muslim: The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)

حدثني ‏ ‏محمد بن رافع ‏ ‏حدثنا ‏ ‏عبد الرزاق ‏ ‏أخبرنا ‏ ‏ابن جريج ‏ ‏أخبرني ‏ ‏أبو الزبير ‏ ‏قال سمعت ‏ ‏جابر بن عبد الله ‏ ‏يقولا ‏
‏كنا ‏ ‏نستمتع ‏ ‏بالقبضة ‏ ‏من التمر والدقيق الأيام على عهد رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏وأبي بكر ‏ ‏حتى نهى عنه ‏ ‏عمر ‏ ‏في شأن ‏ ‏عمرو بن حريث ‏

صحيح مسلم : كتاب النكاح

What's the difference between Temporary Marriage/Mutah and prostitution ?
The same difference between permanent/normal marriage and prostitution. Simply, marriage is Halal/permissible sex while prostitution is Haram/forbidden sex. It mainly come down to responsibilities, there are responsibilities and liabilities in marriage while in prostitution there's mess and money. In Islamic marriage the wife has to go on Idaa (not have sex or marry someone else for a certain period of time) in case of divorce (or end of term in case of Mutah) or if the husband passes away, the husband has to cover the basic living expenses (not compulsory in Mutah but he has to fulfill all conditions laid down by the wife) and most importantly he's the father of the children if he makes the wife pregnant, etc ..


What's all this agitation against Temporary Marriage/Mutah then?
Probably because of several factors like the misusage or the mispractice by some people who practiced it wrongly that made it look as ugly as prostitution (i.e. the girl doesn't go on Idaa after the end of term), also misunderstanding and lack of information which results in misconceptions, moreover the common propaganda Shia vs. Sunnah, etc ..


If Mutah is Halal then why bother getting married permanently?
True the two types of marriage provide a Halal mean of having sex but people don't get married just for having sex in a Halal way even though sex is a cornerstone of marriage/nikah. If the aim of getting married is just to fulfill the sexual desire in a Halal way then probably Mutah would be sufficient. However, if the aim of getting married is not only to fulfill the sexual desire in a Halal way but also to establish a life partnership and build a family then obviously the permanent/regular marriage would be the most suitable type of marriage to achieve that.

Marriage In Islam: The suitable life partner

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" Quraan 24:26

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ
النور : ٢٦

حدثنا ‏ ‏محمد بن عمرو السواق البلخي ‏ ‏حدثنا ‏ ‏حاتم بن إسمعيل ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏عبد الله بن مسلم بن هرمز ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏محمد ‏ ‏وسعيد ابني عبيد ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏أبي حاتم المزني ‏ ‏قال: ‏
قال رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه و آله و سلم: ‏ ‏إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد

This is a well known Hadith (reported sayings of the Prophet Mohamed) reported in Sunan al-Tirmidhi, it can be translated as:
If a person whom you accept his religion (level of his religiousness) and manners, proposes (for marriage) then accept him and don't reject him otherwise it would cause persecution and corruption in earth.

The Hadith emphasizes on the fact that the compatibility between the couple is the key for a successful marriage, particularly the religious and the personality compatibilities.

The Prophet, didn't say "a person whom is very religious/pious" he rather said "a person whom you accept his religion (level of his religiousness)" which means a person whom is compatible with the level of your religiousness. For instance, a person who is pious and not only does the compulsories (Wajibs) but strives to do the recommended (Mustahabs) and refrains from doing the undesirables (Markoohs) very likely won't get along with a person who barely does the compulsories (Wajibs) and refrain from doing the forbidden (Haram).

Then, he reminds us that the personality compatibility is not less important than the religious one, it's quite essential the couple have compatible personalities beside being religiously compatible. To be compatible in the manners, lifestyle, behaviour, habits .. You may have two good people but they don't get along at all, it's not because one of them is evil and the other is good or one is right and the other is wrong, they both could be good and right but they are simply incompatible.

Finally, the Prophet warns us that rejecting a suitable person would cause disastrous social problems as a consequence of that rejection! If a person finds the Halal/permissible way (marriage) unreachable, unsurprisingly the Haram/forbidden way might be considered an option!

Marriage In Islam: Is it destined?

Is marriage destined? In other words, Is it already destined to who you will be married to?
According to my search there's no Islamic source from Quraan or Hadith that supports this misconception, yet it's widely accepted by many if not most Muslims.

There are several robust Hadiths urge Muslims both males and females to be careful with their partner selections but if marriage is already destined then those Hadiths are nonsense! For instance, there's a well known Hadith affirming that one of the son's right over the father is to select a good mother for him, if marriage is destined by Allah then the father can't be held liable in such a case, hence it can't be a right! Another well known Hadith urges people to select the partner (husband or wife) from a reputable family rather than a notorious one. Other well known Hadith is warning Muslims from marrying to a beautiful girl that was raised up in a bad environment, etc ..

I believe the misconception emits from a misunderstanding of "destiny" and "knowledge of Allah", obviously people tend to not differentiate between the two. "Destiny" is what Allah destined, it's something that will happen to you no matter what and is out of your control, an example of that is time of death. "Knowledge of Allah" is what Allah knows, He knows what was, what is, and what will be, but this knowledge doesn't effect our actions, for instance if Allah knows that you will buy a certain thing at certain place and time, that knowledge won't cause the purchase, it's still you who would decide and do it even though He knows it would happen beforehand. How does Allah know all that?! We don't know but surely He does. Nevertheless, Allah may destine to some people to whom they will get married to but I can't see it's destined for all people like the case of death.

So, if you mishandle a marriage proposal or neglect getting married, don't say "Allah didn't destine that person for me" or "Allah didn't want it to happen"! You are responsible and liable about your decisions and actions not "Destiny"!

NOTE: This little article seems to be the most popular in this blog and apparently many girls have this question about marriage and destiny, I urge them to read another related article I published in this blog titled 'Is it Islamically acceptable for a woman to propose to a man?'

Marriage in Islam: Sex, forbidden subject?

Sex is considered a forbidden subject for some of the so called "Religious" Muslims and even for other religious people of different religions! Somehow is looked at with a disgraceful look! Faces change when they hear that word! Why? What's wrong with it?

In Quraan the holy book of Muslims, sexual related issues are discussed in more than one occasion, the word "Nikah/نكاح" which means "Sexual Intercourse" is mentioned several times explicitly! So what's the deal?

I think there's nothing inherently evil or bad of itself, sex is no different here. True, prostitution is bad but not sex itself! Immodesty is bad but not beauty! Can't we differentiate?! The knife is bad if it will be used for killing but it's a handy tool otherwise!

So what does Islam say about sex?
Sex and erotic interactions is a natural right for males and females that can only be obtained through marriage. I think that's why in Quraan Allah calls marriage "Nikah" (sexual intercourse) because it's the unique feature the marital relationship has than other relations.

Herein a nice demonstrative story from Quraan about sex:

A little background: The Arabic man in pre-Islam era if he says to his wife "You are forbidden on me like my mother" he will never have sex with her thenceforth, that's called "Zihar" they remain married but no sexual intercourse.

During the Prophet time a Muslim man had an argument with his wife and said that phrase to her. The wife went to the Prophet to complain about her husband that he wouldn't have sex with her anymore. Then Allah revealed to his Prophet a whole Surah (chapter in Quraan) about this occasion which is called "Surah Al Mujadila":

"Allah has indeed heard (and accepted) the statement of the woman who pleads with thee concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah: and Allah (always) hears the arguments between both sides among you: for Allah hears and sees (all things).

If any men among you divorce their wives by Zihar (calling them mothers), they cannot be their mothers: none can be their mothers except those who gave them birth. And in fact they use words (both) iniquitous and false: but truly Allah is One that blots out (sins), and forgives (again and again).

But those who divorce their wives by Zihar, then wish to go back on the words they uttered, (it is ordained that such a one) should free a slave before they touch each other: these are ye admonished to perform: and Allah is well-acquainted with (all) that ye do.

And if any has not (the wherewithal), he should fast for two months consecutively before they touch each other. But if any is unable to do so, he should feed sixty indigent ones. This, that ye may show your faith in Allah and His Messenger, those are limits (set by) Allah. For those who reject (Him), there is a grievous Penalty." Quraan 58:1-4

قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ

الَّذِينَ يُظَاهِرُونَ مِنكُم مِّن نِّسَائِهِم مَّا هُنَّ أُمَّهَاتِهِمْ إِنْ أُمَّهَاتُهُمْ إِلاَّ الَّلائِي وَلَدْنَهُمْ وَإِنَّهُمْ لَيَقُولُونَ مُنكَرًا مِّنَ الْقَوْلِ وَزُورًا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَعَفُوٌّ غَفُورٌ

وَالَّذِينَ يُظَاهِرُونَ مِن نِّسَائِهِمْ ثُمَّ يَعُودُونَ لِمَا قَالُوا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍ مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَتَمَاسَّا ذَلِكُمْ تُوعَظُونَ بِهِ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرٌ

فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ مِن قَبْلِ أَن يَتَمَاسَّا فَمَن لَّمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَإِطْعَامُ سِتِّينَ مِسْكِينًا ذَلِكَ لِتُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ وَلِلْكَافِرِينَ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ

المجادلة - الآيات ١-٤

There are many morals out of this story but in regard to this topic, it shows how significant, yet normal that right is for women and men equally.

I'm not advocating for immodesty by talking about sex senselessly but rather advocating for sex education. It's unarguable that sex is one of the most important elements of the marital relationship, not only that but it's the unique feature that distinguishes marriage from other relationships, so neglecting it means neglecting a huge part of the relationship which off course means a huge problem in the relationship! :^)

Marriage in Islam: a definition

"Marriage. Why do we do it Everybody knows the stats. One in two marriages end up in broken dishes and a trip to Tijuana. Is it loneliness Partly. Is it teamwork Definitely. Things just kind of go easier when there's two of you. One of you can wait in line at the movie theater while the other guy parks the car. Get better seats that way. Better room rate when it's a double. Are you ready to file jointly...Above you is the sun and sky. Below you, the ground. Like the sun, your love should be constant, like the ground, solid." Jed Seidel

As promised in the preface of this series, the objective of this post will be about formulating an Islamic definition for marriage and defining its basic elements. I'll be asking some questions and will draw a conclusion out of the answers that should lead to a clear definition.

What is marriage?
Marriage is normally (apart from gays) a personal relationship that can be formed by a man and a woman (or sometimes multiple women) through a covenant commitment to be together for a lifetime and thereby the man becomes a husband for the the woman and the woman becomes a wife for the man, also in case the couple procreate offspring, the man becomes a father for the children and the woman becomes a mother for them.

Where does the complexity of marriage lie in?
Rights and responsibilities. Hence, expectations and frustrations.

The man by becoming a husband obtains rights that have to be fulfilled by the wife and also bears responsibilities towards the wife, likewise for the woman, by becoming a wife she obtains rights that have to be fulfilled by the husband and also bears responsibilities towards the husband. Furthermore, both the man and the woman as parents bear responsibilities towards their children until certain age. The complexity of marriage lies in defining and understanding those rights and responsibilities legally, culturally, and religiously.

Who can form an Islamic marriage?
An eligible adult Muslim man with an eligible adult Muslim, or Christian, or Jewish woman with the condition of her guardian acceptance (only if she's dependent according to some sects).

What are the basic elements of an Islamic marriage?

• Bridegroom: An eligible adult Muslim man (i.e. sane, can't marry more than four women, can't marry his sister, etc ..)
• Bride: An eligible adult Muslim, or Christian, or Jewish woman (i.e. sane, must be single, not a recent divorcee or widow -- not in Ida, etc ..)
• Bride guardian: The acceptance of the woman guardian (only if she's dependent according to some sects).
• Consent: Mutual consent (genuine acceptance, no imposition on either party) between the bride and the bridegroom through an offer and acceptance.
• Witnesses/Announcement: The presence of two witnesses is compulsory/Wajib for Sunni while is recommended/Mustahab for Shi'ite.
• Dowry: It's highly recommended that the bridegroom gives the bride a Dowry/Mahr/Gift, it only becomes compulsory if it was a condition upon the bridegroom.

What are the responsibilities of the husband towards the wife in Islam?

• He is obligated to cover the basic living expenses for his wife (i.e. shelter, food, clothing, medical, etc..)
• He must reasonably satisfy his wife's sexual needs (some scholars decree whenever she needs to, other scholars decree at least once in a while)
• If he has more than a wife then he has to be just in his living expenses and divide his nights equally among them.

What are the husband rights in Islam?

• To be satisfied sexually by his wife whenever he needs to unless she can't because of reasonable excuses
• To be the household leader (not dictator)
  
• To have the privilege to end the relationship
  

What are the responsibilities of the wife towards the husband in Islam?

• She is obligated to satisfy her husband's sexual needs whenever he needs to and must not reject him unless there's a justifiable reason like being ill or having the period, etc..
• She is not allowed to leave home without his permission (some scholars decree that the wife can leave home without his permission if that won't prevent her husband from being satisfied sexually when he needs to)
  

What are the wife rights in Islam?

• To be reasonably satisfied sexually by her husband
  
• To have her basic living expenses covered by her husband
• To be treated fairly (in basic living expenses & nights) as her counterpart(s) if her husband has multiple wives
• To end the relationship through an Islamic judge if the husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities towards her or causing some harm to her (the judge has to determine whether the reasons are reasonable or not)
  

How about love and respect?
Love is not a responsibility neither a right, it's something should be worked out and built by both of them. However, there are several Quranic verses and Hadiths encourage the couples to treat each other with respect and show affection towards each other, in other words people can't be instructed to love or not! Thus Allah didn't ask the couples to love each other, it's uncontrollable feelings it can't become a right or a responsibility but He encourage us as people in general and as couples in particular to treat each other with mercy and respect.

How about the houseworks?
In Islam the wife doesn't have to do the houseworks it's recommended/Mustahab for her to do so, in other words the husband can't force her to do the houseworks.

How about obeying the husband?
Principally from Islamic perspective, a person doesn't have to obey anyone, if that person chose to become a Muslim then s/he voluntarily accepted to obey the Messenger and follow the Message of Islam, it shouldn't be imposed on him/her. Obeying the parents is not Wajib/compulsory in Islam, however treating them nicely is and obeying them is recommended/Mustahab. In regard to obeying the husband, from Islamic legal perspective the wife doesn't have to obey the husband but since Islam put the husband as a family leader she probably needs to obey him in matters where it's related to the family directly as long as that won't lead her to commit something Haram/forbidden or leave something Wajib/compulsory. Neverthless, Islam encourages the husband to consult the wife and work things out with her mutually.

What most Muslims especially women don't know about marriage in Islam?
Most Muslims especially women don't know that marriage is basically a mutual agreement like any other agreement it has terms and conditions. The aforementioned responsibilities and rights for husband and wife are the default terms and conditions for the marriage agreement that sat by Islam but they only become effective and compulsory if the two parties (bridegroom & bride) don't oppose them explicitly! Moreover, most (if not all) of those terms and conditions are Islamically (according to Islamic legal system - Shariah) alterable completely or to some extent! For instance, the bride can accept on condition that she will be able to leave home without the husband permission, etc ..

Are there any limits on the conditions the bride & bridegroom can set on their marriage agreement?
No reasonable limits as long as the conditions don't causes either party to commit something Haram/Forbidden (e.g. drinking alcohol) nor to abandon something Wajib/compulsory (e.g. prayer). However, some sects decree that the bride can't ask the bridegroom to give up his right of marrying another woman while in other sects it's a valid condition.

So marriage in Islam is merely a mutual agreement between an eligible Muslim man with an eligible Muslim/Christian/Jewish woman?
From Islamic legal (Shariah) perspective yes, it's only a mutual agreement between an eligible Muslim man with an eligible Muslim or Christian or Jewish woman. However, from Islamic spiritual perspective it's much beyond that.

What makes marriage different from other agreements?
One word "Sex". In Islam sexual intercourse and erotic interactions are natural rights for males and females that can only be practiced through marriage. In other words, if an agreement between a Muslim man with a Muslim or Christian or Jewish woman has no implicit or explicit mention of performing sexual intercourse or erotic interactions then it can't be called a marriage but it becomes a normal agreement like any other agreement (e.g. trade agreement) that the two parties have to fulfill its conditions as they consented. Hence, Quraan calls marriage "Nikah/نكاح" which is an Arabic word that means "sexual intercourse"

Why does Quraan call marriage "Nikah/sexual intercourse"?
Apparently that's an objective/scientific naming as "sexual intercourse" is the unique attribute of this personal relationship compared to the other personal relationships. Love, respect, support, care, etc.. all may exist in other personal relationships like father-ship, mother-ship, brother-ship, sister-ship, friendship, etc..

Is "sexual intercourse" the only unique attribute of marriage compared to other personal relationships?
Yes. However, it has other unique features but they are the result of the sexual intercourse, like procreation then sub-consequently the parentship and childship, etc..

Sexual intercourse (marriage = husband-ship + wife-ship) --> procreation (parent-ship + child-ship + sibling-ship) --> subprocreation (grandparent-ship + grandchild-ship + uncle-ship + aunt-ship + cousin-ship)

Is marriage compulsory/Wajib in Islam?
No, all sects in Islam agree that marriage is not compulsory but rather recommended/Mustahab/Sunnah or permissible/Mubah, it becomes compulsory/Wajib if the person might commit adultery if remains single.

Is marriage really half the religion/Deen?
If marriage is not compulsory in Islam how can it be half of Islam/Deen/religion?! Certainly that can't be true. Yes, there are some Hadiths for the Prophet regarding that like he said ” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”

عن أنس رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه و آله وسلم قال: من رزقه الله امرأة صالحة فقد أعانه على شطر دينه فليتق الله في الشطر الباقي. رواه الطبراني في الأوسط والحاكم ومن طريقه للبيهقي وقال الحاكم صحيح الإسناد، وفي رواية البيهقي قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله و سلم: إذا تزوج العبد فقد استكمل نصف الدين فليتق الله في النصف الباقي. حسنه الألباني في صحيح الترغيب والترهيب.

If those Hadiths are true, then they don't mean it's literally half the religion/Deen. The Arabic meaning for the word Deen "دين" is "a lifestyle", however nowadays it usually refer to "religious lifestyle", also according to Islam this life is a test which is to live it according to religion (The Message of Islam). Thus, the Hadith may was referring to the marriage as half of person's life as the person will spend most of his life with his wife, so if that time will be spent wisely (hence "virtuous wife" not "any wife") according to the religion then he basically fulfilled half of his religion. I think the Hadith can be applied to both man and woman like in many Quranic verses even though it was talking about the husband.

And the definition is?
I leave this for you to form! :^)

Marriage in Islam: a preface

“In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood.” Henry David Thoreau

If you ask a number of married couples of what marriage means to them or how they define it, I bet the results will very likely be:
- Less than 10% of them--the two pairs will provide 95-100% compatible answers!
- More than 50% of them--the two pairs will provide vague answers/definitions.
- The rest of them--the two pairs will provide (in)compatible answers to a variable degree.

No wonder why most marriages become one of the the most frustrating aspects of life and many marriages fail and end up in divorce! It's really hard to successfully build something mutually without having a clear understanding of it by the two parties, especially if that thing is a critical and sensitive matter like 'marriage'.

The term/word 'Marriage' is quite confusing as it has multiple variable definitions/meanings, it has a linguistic meaning that may vary from one language to another, a legal definition that differs from one country to another, a cultural interpretation that conflicts with one culture and another, and a religious definition that is incompatible with one religion and another. Hence, when it comes to discussing marital issues it's really necessary to clarify which of the meanings of marriage you are talking about, in other words from which perspective. Have you ever heard of the Relativity Theory?! This is a good example of it! :^)

In this series 'Marriage in Islam' I'll be discussing Marriage and Marital issues mainly from Islamic perspective. In the next post, I'll try to formulate a precise and clear Islamic definition of marriage and define the fundamental elements of it.