Is marriage destined? In other words, Is it already destined to who you will be married to?
According to my search there's no Islamic source from Quraan or Hadith that supports this misconception, yet it's widely accepted by many if not most Muslims.
There are several robust Hadiths urge Muslims both males and females to be careful with their partner selections but if marriage is already destined then those Hadiths are nonsense! For instance, there's a well known Hadith affirming that one of the son's right over the father is to select a good mother for him, if marriage is destined by Allah then the father can't be held liable in such a case, hence it can't be a right! Another well known Hadith urges people to select the partner (husband or wife) from a reputable family rather than a notorious one. Other well known Hadith is warning Muslims from marrying to a beautiful girl that was raised up in a bad environment, etc ..
I believe the misconception emits from a misunderstanding of "destiny" and "knowledge of Allah", obviously people tend to not differentiate between the two. "Destiny" is what Allah destined, it's something that will happen to you no matter what and is out of your control, an example of that is time of death. "Knowledge of Allah" is what Allah knows, He knows what was, what is, and what will be, but this knowledge doesn't effect our actions, for instance if Allah knows that you will buy a certain thing at certain place and time, that knowledge won't cause the purchase, it's still you who would decide and do it even though He knows it would happen beforehand. How does Allah know all that?! We don't know but surely He does. Nevertheless, Allah may destine to some people to whom they will get married to but I can't see it's destined for all people like the case of death.
So, if you mishandle a marriage proposal or neglect getting married, don't say "Allah didn't destine that person for me" or "Allah didn't want it to happen"! You are responsible and liable about your decisions and actions not "Destiny"!
NOTE: This little article seems to be the most popular in this blog and apparently many girls have this question about marriage and destiny, I urge them to read another related article I published in this blog titled 'Is it Islamically acceptable for a woman to propose to a man?'
interesting perspective :)
ReplyDeleteNo I think sometimes and only sometimes it is destiny who you were supposed to mary. Look into the mariage of our prophet muhammed (pbuh) with Khadija and then later aysha.
ReplyDeleteKhadija was an older women, if she hadnt been the strong pillar that she was to Muhammed Islam could never have spread so vast.
Then the prophit married Aysha, why? because he had a dream about her 3 days in a row where GAbirel carried her in a bundle and said this is your wife. There are other examples such as Mary and Joseph. Abraham and his two wives..etc.
So I think that mariage sometimes is pre dertemined but NOT ALWAYS and NOT USUALLY. So that is why you must be careful when choosing a spouse. Atleast that is my personal opinion.
thats pretty much a 'revolutionary' idea...marriage is probably the most commonly used example after birth and death, but then again i think i read somewhere that supplication can counteract fate...rendering fate flexible..
ReplyDeleteso then where does fate stand between destiny and Allahs knowledge?
"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?" Quraan 29:2
ReplyDeleteأَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوا أَن يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ
العنكبوت : ٢
I think of fate as the final outcome of destiny.
In regard to the supplications, herein a good example that might clarify the difference:
Allah might destine for someone to have a terminal cancer (That's destiny as it's out of the person control) but then because of the person honest supplications or his beloved supplications Allah decides to accept the supplications and fulfills them by changing the fate from being fatal to curable! However Allah knows that all would happen beforehand though His knowledge didn't cause the supplications.
Destiny: Allah decided that the person must have a terminal cancer
Supplication: Honest request to change the destiny/decision
Accepting the supplication: A reward from Allah
Fate: The outcome of destiny
Knowledge of Allah: He knows all that would happen beforehand, however that knowledge didn't cause the supplication.
Salam
ReplyDeleteIt's important to realise that everything happens under Allah SWT's Will, or what in arabic we call "Qadar."
I don't want to go into the details of that lest I say something incorrect, but I advise you and every muslim to try and gain a more full understanding of "fate", and recognizing that there are different kinds of it.
If you speak arabic these lectures will help:
http://www.islamway.com/?iw_s=Scholar&iw_a=series&series_id=1145
Wa Alaikum Asalam, thanks for the comment! :)
ReplyDelete>It's important to realise that everything >happens under Allah SWT's Will, or what in >arabic we call "Qadar."
You are referring to what we call in Arabic "Al Mashia/المشيئة" which in English means "the will"; It seems to be related but it's quite different in this context.
وما تشاؤون الا ان يشاء الله ان الله كان عليما حكيما
الإنسان: ٣٠
"But ye will not, except as God wills; for God is full of Knowledge and Wisdom."
Quraan 76:30
Abdullah Yusuf Ali's translation & explanation:
* v.30 : Man in himself is weak; he must seek Allah’s Grace; without it he can do nothing; with it he can do all, For Allah knows all things, and His wisdom comprehends the good of all.
I am inclined to agree with Abdullah Yusuf Ali in his explanation above, I reviewed several Tafsirs Sunni & Sheiti for this verse but they don't seem to be coherent. They could be right too as sometimes a verse can have multiple meanings and all of them are right.
Basically, our will is free it's not out of the power/control of Allah, an example:
I did WILL to post this comment, I'm posting it now. Had Allah wanted (WILL) for me not to WILL, wouldn't he be able to prevent me from doing so? Certainly he would be able.(Allah is able to do all things.)
Back to the root cause of our existence, this "free will" is the privilege we have which we shall be rewarded/punished accordingly for its consequences. http://islamicmaverick.blogspot.com/2008/11/what-is-philsophy-of-life-from-islamic.html
I could be wrong though! :)
i have always heard that death, birth and marriage is decided by Allah!
ReplyDelete