Ashura & Gaza, we are sorry, we let you down!

Imam Hussain bin Ali bin Abi Talib said:

"Verily, people are the slaves of the (material) world and their religion is superficial, only on their tongues. They are attentive to it as long as their material benefits are provided, but when they are tested, the number of true devotees dwindles.

This world has changed, snubbed, and its good has turned tail. Nothing has remained from it except a thing that is as scanty as the leftover of a cup and a mean life that is like a noxious grazing. Have you not noticed that the right is ignored and the evil is not forbidden? This is sufficient for making the believers desire for meeting Allah rightfully. I consider death as happiness and life with the wrongdoers as boredom."

من خطبة الإمام الحسين بن علي بن أبي طالب (ع):

إن الناس عبيد الدنيا، والدين لعقٌ على ألسنتهم يحوطونه ما درّت معائشهم، فإذا مُحِّصوا بالبلاء قلَّ الديانون. إن هذه الدنيا قد تغيرت، وتنكرت، وأدبر معروفها، فلم يبق منها إلا صباية كصباية الإنا، وخســيس عيش كالمرعى الوبـيـل، ألا تــرون أن الحق لا يعمل به، وأن الباطل لا يتناهى عنه، ليرغب المؤمن في لقاء ربه محقاً، فإني لا أرى الموت إلا سعادة، والحياة مع الظالمين إلاّ بَرَمَا.

Few days ago was the beginning of new Hijri/Islamic year 1431H, Inshallah it will be a blessing and happy year for all Muslims around the world. Also, it was the sad anniversary of Ashura where Imam Hussain along with some of his household and companions revolutionized against the worst tyrant the Islamic world had ever known Yazid bin Muawiyah bin Abi-Sufyan and were brutally martyred at the Battle of Karbla on 10th Muharram 61H (10th October 680AD). In this legendary and tragic battle Imam Hussain and his companions represented the most beautiful forms of humanity and true principles of Islam, they challenged Yazid's fascism by refusing to bow down to his tyranny and sacrificed their precious souls for the revival of moral order, human rights, law and justice and civil liberty of the good at large.

Shia Muslims around the world always commemorate this event the first 10 days of every new Hijri/Islamic year. This year, I attended four different centers (called Hussainya) where Ashura rituals took place, as usual Islamic scholars preached about the merits and principles of Ashura, standing up against the tyrants, liberty, civil reforms, morals and ethics, etc .. concurrently during Ashura was the anniversary of Gaza War but ironically I never heard any of them mentioning the word 'Gaza'!

Our Palestinian people are still under siege dying and suffering every moment! Yet we are doing nothing to relieve the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, actually we have almost forgotten them completely! The least we could do is to commemorate the anniversary and expose the monstrous ugliness of the Zionists! Isn't for that Imam Hussain sacrificed his divine life for?! To teach us as Human beings and Muslims we have to practically stand against tyranny and stand in solidarity with the oppressed?! To teach us that life without principles and dignity is worthless?!

Ashura is what inspired the Lebanese and managed to liberate their land from the Zionists, Ashura is what revolutionized the Iranian and could overthrow the King of Kings (Shah of Iran). Nonetheless, I believe for most Shia Muslims, Ashura is becoming merely rituals and customs that's isolated from real life, Imam Hussain reflected the bitter reality of religious people by his vivid words:

Verily, people are the slaves of the (material) world and their religion is superficial, only on their tongues. They are attentive to it as long as their material benefits are provided, but when they are tested, the number of true devotees dwindles.

In fact that's the case for most religious practices where religion is basically a set of rituals and customs are passed down from generation to generation rather than being true belief and principles to base our life on. Hence, usually the first followers of any religion are the most sincere and devotees to their religious belief but that devotion gradually decline in the succeeding generations because for them it became just rituals and customs they inherited from their ancestors rather than something they truly believe in.

However, I'm not criticizing Shia Muslims only but because they love Imam Hussain and embrace his revolution and principles and commemorate it every year they should be admonished more. Having said that, in the same anniversary day of Gaza War I called a Palestinian friend who is a Sunni Muslim originally from Gaza itself and is an activist in the community, I asked him if there's any program for commemorating the anniversary of Gaza War, he was a bit stunned and embarrassed a bit because there was nil.

"Ye were the best nation (people) that evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah." Quraan 3:110

كُنتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللّهِ
آل عمران : ١١٠

Marriage in Islam: Is Temporary Marriage/Mutah Halal?

What's Temporary Marriage/Mutah?
It's basically the same as normal (permanent) marriage except as the name implies it's temporary, in other words the couple may remain married only for a definite period of time. There's dowry, consent of guardian, Idaa, sex, children responsibilities, etc .. However, there are other minor differences between the permanent marriage and the temporary one, for example the couple don't inherit each other and it's not compulsory for the husband to cover the basic living expenses as is the case with the permanent marriage. Nonetheless, it's a marriage contract where each party can lay down their own conditions.

Is Temporary Marriage/Mutah Halal/permissible?
All Islamic sects (Sunnah & Shia) agree that Temporary Marriage/Mutah was Halal/permissible during the Prophet lifetime but they disagree whether it remained Halal during the Prophet lifetime or he himself forbade it during his lifetime (i.e. revoked its permissibility) or someone else did so.

On one hand Shia Muslims believe it's still Halal as the Prophet didn't revoke its permissibility during his lifetime and they believe that nobody with no exception can reverse the Prophet verdicts. On the other hand, the majority of Sunni Muslims believe it's no longer Halal, some of them cite that the Prophet revoked its permissibility during his lifetime while others consider it Haram because the 2nd Caliph revoked it. Ironically, there are Hadiths that support each claim but according to my search it seems that there are more robust Hadiths that affirm it was actually the second Caliph who forbade Mutah. Herein a robust/Sahih Hadith from Sahih Muslim as an example:

Jabir b. 'Abdullah reported: We contracted temporary marriage giving a handful of (tales or flour as a dower during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and durnig the time of Abu Bakr until 'Umar forbade it in the case of 'Amr b. Huraith.

Sahih Muslim: The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)

حدثني ‏ ‏محمد بن رافع ‏ ‏حدثنا ‏ ‏عبد الرزاق ‏ ‏أخبرنا ‏ ‏ابن جريج ‏ ‏أخبرني ‏ ‏أبو الزبير ‏ ‏قال سمعت ‏ ‏جابر بن عبد الله ‏ ‏يقولا ‏
‏كنا ‏ ‏نستمتع ‏ ‏بالقبضة ‏ ‏من التمر والدقيق الأيام على عهد رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏وأبي بكر ‏ ‏حتى نهى عنه ‏ ‏عمر ‏ ‏في شأن ‏ ‏عمرو بن حريث ‏

صحيح مسلم : كتاب النكاح

What's the difference between Temporary Marriage/Mutah and prostitution ?
The same difference between permanent/normal marriage and prostitution. Simply, marriage is Halal/permissible sex while prostitution is Haram/forbidden sex. It mainly come down to responsibilities, there are responsibilities and liabilities in marriage while in prostitution there's mess and money. In Islamic marriage the wife has to go on Idaa (not have sex or marry someone else for a certain period of time) in case of divorce (or end of term in case of Mutah) or if the husband passes away, the husband has to cover the basic living expenses (not compulsory in Mutah but he has to fulfill all conditions laid down by the wife) and most importantly he's the father of the children if he makes the wife pregnant, etc ..


What's all this agitation against Temporary Marriage/Mutah then?
Probably because of several factors like the misusage or the mispractice by some people who practiced it wrongly that made it look as ugly as prostitution (i.e. the girl doesn't go on Idaa after the end of term), also misunderstanding and lack of information which results in misconceptions, moreover the common propaganda Shia vs. Sunnah, etc ..


If Mutah is Halal then why bother getting married permanently?
True the two types of marriage provide a Halal mean of having sex but people don't get married just for having sex in a Halal way even though sex is a cornerstone of marriage/nikah. If the aim of getting married is just to fulfill the sexual desire in a Halal way then probably Mutah would be sufficient. However, if the aim of getting married is not only to fulfill the sexual desire in a Halal way but also to establish a life partnership and build a family then obviously the permanent/regular marriage would be the most suitable type of marriage to achieve that.

Enslavery: Submission or Stupidity?

"It is not fitting for a Believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by God and His Apostle to have any option about their decision: if any one disobeys God and His Apostle, he is indeed on a clearly wrong Path." Quraan 33:36

وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ وَمَن يَعْصِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلالا مُّبِينًا
الأحزاب : ٣٦

As (hopefully) most of us know that Islam means submission, to submit your will to Allah, basically to unconditionally follow the instructions of Allah without arguing. For more details regarding this refer to the other posts "What does Islam mean?" and the series of "True Muslims/Submitters".

However, some Muslims can't differentiate between the instructions of Allah and the instructions of religious leaders/religion specialists (Imams, Sheikhs, etc .. ), they naively follow the latter as if it was the former! In other words, they follow those religious leaders/specialists blindly as they think it's what Islam is all about! Unconditional submission! That's wrong! Islam means unconditional submission to the instructions of Allah only which are the instructions delivered by the Prophet Mohammad and which we are certain of, all other things we are liable about if we follow and thus are subject to questioning.

"And do not follow a thing about which you have no knowledge. Surely, the ear, the eye and the heart - each one of them shall be interrogated about (on the Day of Reckoning)." Quraan 17:36

وَلاَ تَقْفُ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ إِنَّ السَّمْعَ وَالْبَصَرَ وَالْفُؤَادَ كُلُّ أُوْلَئِكَ كَانَ عَنْهُ مَسْؤُولاً
الإسراء : ٣٦

For instance, the Hajj/Pilgrimage rituals many of it if not most of it doesn't seem to make sense, like circling around a cube (the Kaaba) or stoning the pillars. Yet we do perform happily because we are 100% certain that the Prophet asked us to do so which subsequently means Allah instructed us to do so. However, if a religious leader asked to vote or not to, or to support certain activity or abandon it, ... etc then we should think it over before we do it, we should question them if it's not clear enough for us that it's the right thing to do, just because the instruction came from a religious leader it doesn't render it right by default! No! Religious leaders are something and the Prophet is something else!

This is basically another form of implicit enslavery even though it may not being done systematically or intentionally, this lack of constructive criticism to our leaders and the absence of critical thinking towards things around us certainly are major factors of the Ummah backwardness.

Marriage In Islam: The suitable life partner

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" Quraan 24:26

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ
النور : ٢٦

حدثنا ‏ ‏محمد بن عمرو السواق البلخي ‏ ‏حدثنا ‏ ‏حاتم بن إسمعيل ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏عبد الله بن مسلم بن هرمز ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏محمد ‏ ‏وسعيد ابني عبيد ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏أبي حاتم المزني ‏ ‏قال: ‏
قال رسول الله ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه و آله و سلم: ‏ ‏إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد

This is a well known Hadith (reported sayings of the Prophet Mohamed) reported in Sunan al-Tirmidhi, it can be translated as:
If a person whom you accept his religion (level of his religiousness) and manners, proposes (for marriage) then accept him and don't reject him otherwise it would cause persecution and corruption in earth.

The Hadith emphasizes on the fact that the compatibility between the couple is the key for a successful marriage, particularly the religious and the personality compatibilities.

The Prophet, didn't say "a person whom is very religious/pious" he rather said "a person whom you accept his religion (level of his religiousness)" which means a person whom is compatible with the level of your religiousness. For instance, a person who is pious and not only does the compulsories (Wajibs) but strives to do the recommended (Mustahabs) and refrains from doing the undesirables (Markoohs) very likely won't get along with a person who barely does the compulsories (Wajibs) and refrain from doing the forbidden (Haram).

Then, he reminds us that the personality compatibility is not less important than the religious one, it's quite essential the couple have compatible personalities beside being religiously compatible. To be compatible in the manners, lifestyle, behaviour, habits .. You may have two good people but they don't get along at all, it's not because one of them is evil and the other is good or one is right and the other is wrong, they both could be good and right but they are simply incompatible.

Finally, the Prophet warns us that rejecting a suitable person would cause disastrous social problems as a consequence of that rejection! If a person finds the Halal/permissible way (marriage) unreachable, unsurprisingly the Haram/forbidden way might be considered an option!

They would have found Allah Forgiving, Merciful

"And if, when they had wronged themselves, they had but come unto thee and asked forgiveness of Allah, and asked forgiveness of the messenger, they would have found Allah Forgiving, Merciful." Quaan 4:64

وَلَوْ أَنَّهُمْ إِذ ظَّلَمُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ جَاؤُوكَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُواْ اللَّهَ وَاسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمُ الرَّسُولُ لَوَجَدُواْ اللَّهَ تَوَّابًا رَّحِيمًا
النساء : ٦٤

O father of Zahrah, O Messenger of Allah, I bear witness that you delivered the Message comprehensively with no deficiency but I had wronged myself, forgive me for disappointing you and not following it completely, please ask the most Forgiving to forgive me and to bestow His mercy on me!

Life is merely a test:My Lord is generous/humiliating!

"When the human being is tested by his Lord, through blessings and joy, he says, 'My Lord is generous towards me.'

But if He tests him through reduction in provisions, he says, 'My Lord is humiliating me!'" Quraan 89:15-16

فَأَمَّا الإِنسَانُ إِذَا مَا ابْتَلاهُ رَبُّهُ فَأَكْرَمَهُ وَنَعَّمَهُ فَيَقُولُ رَبِّي أَكْرَمَنِ

وَأَمَّا إِذَا مَا ابْتَلاهُ فَقَدَرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقَهُ فَيَقُولُ رَبِّي أَهَانَنِ

الفجر : ١٥-١٦

Wealthy people! Never ever think that Allah is happy with you thus you are wealthy! You are just being tested of how well you handle that wealth! Tested whether you will give charity or not? Tested whether you assist your family or not? You don't own the wealth, you merely own its responsibility! Watch out! You are being tested!

Needy people! Never ever think that Allah disregards you by not giving you much thus you are needy! You are being tested whether you will be patient or impatient! Whether will take the Haram way because the Halal way is miserable or remain in the Halal way in spite of the hardship! Whether your faith will shrink and worship will decline or will remain steadfast! Take it easy! You are being tested!

Allah loves those who are equitable

"Allah loves those who are equitable" Quraan 5:42

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ
المائدة : ٤٢

Allah loves the equitable, the fair, the impartial.

How equitable?
"O you who believe, you shall be absolutely equitable, and observe Allah, when you serve as witnesses, even against yourselves, or your parents, or your relatives. Whether the accused is rich or poor, Allah takes care of both. Therefore, do not be biased by your personal wishes. If you deviate or disregard (this commandment), then Allah is fully Cognizant of everything you do." Quraan 4:135

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّامِينَ بِالْقِسْطِ شُهَدَاء لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَى أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالأَقْرَبِينَ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًا فَاللَّهُ أَوْلَى بِهِمَا فَلاَ تَتَّبِعُواْ الْهَوَى أَن تَعْدِلُواْ وَإِن تَلْوُواْ أَوْ تُعْرِضُواْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا
النساء : ١٣٥

Marriage In Islam: Is it destined?

Is marriage destined? In other words, Is it already destined to who you will be married to?
According to my search there's no Islamic source from Quraan or Hadith that supports this misconception, yet it's widely accepted by many if not most Muslims.

There are several robust Hadiths urge Muslims both males and females to be careful with their partner selections but if marriage is already destined then those Hadiths are nonsense! For instance, there's a well known Hadith affirming that one of the son's right over the father is to select a good mother for him, if marriage is destined by Allah then the father can't be held liable in such a case, hence it can't be a right! Another well known Hadith urges people to select the partner (husband or wife) from a reputable family rather than a notorious one. Other well known Hadith is warning Muslims from marrying to a beautiful girl that was raised up in a bad environment, etc ..

I believe the misconception emits from a misunderstanding of "destiny" and "knowledge of Allah", obviously people tend to not differentiate between the two. "Destiny" is what Allah destined, it's something that will happen to you no matter what and is out of your control, an example of that is time of death. "Knowledge of Allah" is what Allah knows, He knows what was, what is, and what will be, but this knowledge doesn't effect our actions, for instance if Allah knows that you will buy a certain thing at certain place and time, that knowledge won't cause the purchase, it's still you who would decide and do it even though He knows it would happen beforehand. How does Allah know all that?! We don't know but surely He does. Nevertheless, Allah may destine to some people to whom they will get married to but I can't see it's destined for all people like the case of death.

So, if you mishandle a marriage proposal or neglect getting married, don't say "Allah didn't destine that person for me" or "Allah didn't want it to happen"! You are responsible and liable about your decisions and actions not "Destiny"!

NOTE: This little article seems to be the most popular in this blog and apparently many girls have this question about marriage and destiny, I urge them to read another related article I published in this blog titled 'Is it Islamically acceptable for a woman to propose to a man?'

Life is merely a test: only that they might worship Me!

"I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me." Quraan 51:56

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالإِنسَ إِلاَّ لِيَعْبُدُونِ
الذاريات : ٥٦

Allah created mankind to obey Him by following the Message He sent to them through His Messengers.

The counterpart of the word "worship" in the original/Arabic verse is "Ya'bidoon/يعبدون" which means perform (plural form) "worship/I'baada/عبادة" which in Arabic means obedience and following the instructions. Hence, worship doesn't only mean rituals and supplications as commonly misconceived. In Islam any action you do or refrain from doing for the sake of Allah is considered a worship.

When My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth - Quraan 2:186 (5)

"Our Lord! Cause not our hearts to stray after Thou hast guided us, and bestow upon us mercy from Thy Presence. Lo! Thou, only Thou, art the Bestower.

Our Lord! Lo! it is Thou Who gatherest mankind together to a Day of which there is no doubt. Lo! Allah faileth not to keep the tryst. " Quraan 3:8-9

رَبَّنَا لاَ تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْوَهَّابُ

رَبَّنَا إِنَّكَ جَامِعُ النَّاسِ لِيَوْمٍ لاَّ رَيْبَ فِيهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يُخْلِفُ الْمِيعَادَ

آل عمران : ٨-٩

This is another way the Almighty like to be entreated. To ask Him to help us maintain the straight path. However, the supplication has a confusing statement that seems contradictory to the purpose He created us for!

"Cause not our hearts to stray after Thou hast guided us"

If Allah created us to test us why would He cause our hearts to stray or not to?! If He does so then it's unfair that He will punish us if we committed sins because He strayed our hearts! Neither we will deserve the reward for whatever good we do because He didn't stray our hearts!

The answer is in the previous post of this series. I don't think Allah will cause our hearts to be strayed or not, even though He is totally capable to do so! It would be unjust for Him to do so; only the weak practices injustice while He has the ultimate power, thus He will never be unjust. However, He can test us with difficult (yet sill can be passed successfully) trials that we may fail in, consequently that failure will cause our hearts to be strayed but it's us who are liable about our failures not Him. Thus, the supplication is about asking Him not put us through difficult tests that we may fail in.

Enslavery: "What will people say?"

Whenever we think of doing something that might be unusual, yet not wrong, or refrain from doing something that could be wrong, yet usual, we ask that question!

"What will people say?"

Why do we care about what will people say?! How come we don't ask this question!

"What will Allah say?"

I believe that's a fundamental difference between real Muslims who are Muslims by conviction and dummy Muslims who are Muslims by heredity.

What does Allah say about people?
"most of mankind give not thanks." Quran 2:243

وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لاَ يَشْكُرُونَ
البقرة : ٢٤٣

"most of mankind know not." Quraan 7:187

وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لاَ يَعْلَمُونَ
الأعراف : ١٨٧

"most of mankind believe not." Quraan 11:17

وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لاَ يُؤْمِنُونَ
هود : ١٧

"And though thou try much, most men will not believe." Quraan 12:103

وَمَا أَكْثَرُ النَّاسِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتَ بِمُؤْمِنِينَ
يوسف : ١٠٣

"most of mankind refuse aught save disbelief." Quraan 17:89

فَأَبَى أَكْثَرُ النَّاسِ إِلاَّ كُفُورًا
الإسراء : ٨٩

That's the people you care about what they say?! That's what Allah say about them! That's the reality of the majority of people! No wonder the world became like a jungle or probably worse! Ever heard of genocides in a jungle committed by animals?!

That's what I call enslavery by customs & traditions! To refrain yourself from doing what you think is right just because of what people might say against you!

Merry Christmas to all Muslims!

"Say (O Muslims): We believe in Allah and that which is revealed unto us and that which was revealed unto Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the tribes, and that which Moses and Jesus received, and that which the prophets received from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them, and unto Him we have surrendered." Quraan 2:136

قُولُواْ آمَنَّا بِاللَّهِ وَمَا أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَا أُنزِلَ إِلَى إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَإِسْمَاعِيلَ وَإِسْحَاقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَالأَسْبَاطِ وَمَا أُوتِيَ مُوسَى وَعِيسَى وَمَا أُوتِيَ النَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لاَ نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُ مُسْلِمُونَ
البقرة : ١٣٦

Over the last Christmas I greeted some good Muslims with "Merry Christmas", all of them lived all or most of their lives in the West. That's the reactions I got:

• One was so surprised that I celebrate Christmas
• Another said doesn't celebrate Christmas but thanked me anyway
  
• Others greeted back conservatively
  
• One opposed it bluntly and said it's Haram/forbidden! Ironically, she was a revert from Christianity! :^)
  
• As far as I remember, only one or none exchanged the greeting as a normal celebration

Why don't we celebrate Christmas? It's Jesus' birthday! Don't we love him? We may argue about the accuracy of the date but that doesn't matter it's the thought that counts anyway! Isn't Jesus the closest Prophet to our Prophet Mohammad? Isn't Jesus our Prophet? Don't we expect his return? True, we disagree with some principles of Christianity but that doesn't mean we should reject anything comes from it! Isn't Christianity the closest religion to ours? Don't we claim we follow Jesus better than Christians? Isn't it a good opportunity to show the genuine tolerance and interconnection of Islam with other religions especially the other monotheistic religions (Christianity & Judaism)?!

Marriage in Islam: Sex, forbidden subject?

Sex is considered a forbidden subject for some of the so called "Religious" Muslims and even for other religious people of different religions! Somehow is looked at with a disgraceful look! Faces change when they hear that word! Why? What's wrong with it?

In Quraan the holy book of Muslims, sexual related issues are discussed in more than one occasion, the word "Nikah/نكاح" which means "Sexual Intercourse" is mentioned several times explicitly! So what's the deal?

I think there's nothing inherently evil or bad of itself, sex is no different here. True, prostitution is bad but not sex itself! Immodesty is bad but not beauty! Can't we differentiate?! The knife is bad if it will be used for killing but it's a handy tool otherwise!

So what does Islam say about sex?
Sex and erotic interactions is a natural right for males and females that can only be obtained through marriage. I think that's why in Quraan Allah calls marriage "Nikah" (sexual intercourse) because it's the unique feature the marital relationship has than other relations.

Herein a nice demonstrative story from Quraan about sex:

A little background: The Arabic man in pre-Islam era if he says to his wife "You are forbidden on me like my mother" he will never have sex with her thenceforth, that's called "Zihar" they remain married but no sexual intercourse.

During the Prophet time a Muslim man had an argument with his wife and said that phrase to her. The wife went to the Prophet to complain about her husband that he wouldn't have sex with her anymore. Then Allah revealed to his Prophet a whole Surah (chapter in Quraan) about this occasion which is called "Surah Al Mujadila":

"Allah has indeed heard (and accepted) the statement of the woman who pleads with thee concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah: and Allah (always) hears the arguments between both sides among you: for Allah hears and sees (all things).

If any men among you divorce their wives by Zihar (calling them mothers), they cannot be their mothers: none can be their mothers except those who gave them birth. And in fact they use words (both) iniquitous and false: but truly Allah is One that blots out (sins), and forgives (again and again).

But those who divorce their wives by Zihar, then wish to go back on the words they uttered, (it is ordained that such a one) should free a slave before they touch each other: these are ye admonished to perform: and Allah is well-acquainted with (all) that ye do.

And if any has not (the wherewithal), he should fast for two months consecutively before they touch each other. But if any is unable to do so, he should feed sixty indigent ones. This, that ye may show your faith in Allah and His Messenger, those are limits (set by) Allah. For those who reject (Him), there is a grievous Penalty." Quraan 58:1-4

قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ

الَّذِينَ يُظَاهِرُونَ مِنكُم مِّن نِّسَائِهِم مَّا هُنَّ أُمَّهَاتِهِمْ إِنْ أُمَّهَاتُهُمْ إِلاَّ الَّلائِي وَلَدْنَهُمْ وَإِنَّهُمْ لَيَقُولُونَ مُنكَرًا مِّنَ الْقَوْلِ وَزُورًا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَعَفُوٌّ غَفُورٌ

وَالَّذِينَ يُظَاهِرُونَ مِن نِّسَائِهِمْ ثُمَّ يَعُودُونَ لِمَا قَالُوا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍ مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَتَمَاسَّا ذَلِكُمْ تُوعَظُونَ بِهِ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرٌ

فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ مِن قَبْلِ أَن يَتَمَاسَّا فَمَن لَّمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَإِطْعَامُ سِتِّينَ مِسْكِينًا ذَلِكَ لِتُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ وَلِلْكَافِرِينَ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ

المجادلة - الآيات ١-٤

There are many morals out of this story but in regard to this topic, it shows how significant, yet normal that right is for women and men equally.

I'm not advocating for immodesty by talking about sex senselessly but rather advocating for sex education. It's unarguable that sex is one of the most important elements of the marital relationship, not only that but it's the unique feature that distinguishes marriage from other relationships, so neglecting it means neglecting a huge part of the relationship which off course means a huge problem in the relationship! :^)

Marriage in Islam: a definition

"Marriage. Why do we do it Everybody knows the stats. One in two marriages end up in broken dishes and a trip to Tijuana. Is it loneliness Partly. Is it teamwork Definitely. Things just kind of go easier when there's two of you. One of you can wait in line at the movie theater while the other guy parks the car. Get better seats that way. Better room rate when it's a double. Are you ready to file jointly...Above you is the sun and sky. Below you, the ground. Like the sun, your love should be constant, like the ground, solid." Jed Seidel

As promised in the preface of this series, the objective of this post will be about formulating an Islamic definition for marriage and defining its basic elements. I'll be asking some questions and will draw a conclusion out of the answers that should lead to a clear definition.

What is marriage?
Marriage is normally (apart from gays) a personal relationship that can be formed by a man and a woman (or sometimes multiple women) through a covenant commitment to be together for a lifetime and thereby the man becomes a husband for the the woman and the woman becomes a wife for the man, also in case the couple procreate offspring, the man becomes a father for the children and the woman becomes a mother for them.

Where does the complexity of marriage lie in?
Rights and responsibilities. Hence, expectations and frustrations.

The man by becoming a husband obtains rights that have to be fulfilled by the wife and also bears responsibilities towards the wife, likewise for the woman, by becoming a wife she obtains rights that have to be fulfilled by the husband and also bears responsibilities towards the husband. Furthermore, both the man and the woman as parents bear responsibilities towards their children until certain age. The complexity of marriage lies in defining and understanding those rights and responsibilities legally, culturally, and religiously.

Who can form an Islamic marriage?
An eligible adult Muslim man with an eligible adult Muslim, or Christian, or Jewish woman with the condition of her guardian acceptance (only if she's dependent according to some sects).

What are the basic elements of an Islamic marriage?

• Bridegroom: An eligible adult Muslim man (i.e. sane, can't marry more than four women, can't marry his sister, etc ..)
• Bride: An eligible adult Muslim, or Christian, or Jewish woman (i.e. sane, must be single, not a recent divorcee or widow -- not in Ida, etc ..)
• Bride guardian: The acceptance of the woman guardian (only if she's dependent according to some sects).
• Consent: Mutual consent (genuine acceptance, no imposition on either party) between the bride and the bridegroom through an offer and acceptance.
• Witnesses/Announcement: The presence of two witnesses is compulsory/Wajib for Sunni while is recommended/Mustahab for Shi'ite.
• Dowry: It's highly recommended that the bridegroom gives the bride a Dowry/Mahr/Gift, it only becomes compulsory if it was a condition upon the bridegroom.

What are the responsibilities of the husband towards the wife in Islam?

• He is obligated to cover the basic living expenses for his wife (i.e. shelter, food, clothing, medical, etc..)
• He must reasonably satisfy his wife's sexual needs (some scholars decree whenever she needs to, other scholars decree at least once in a while)
• If he has more than a wife then he has to be just in his living expenses and divide his nights equally among them.

What are the husband rights in Islam?

• To be satisfied sexually by his wife whenever he needs to unless she can't because of reasonable excuses
• To be the household leader (not dictator)
  
• To have the privilege to end the relationship
  

What are the responsibilities of the wife towards the husband in Islam?

• She is obligated to satisfy her husband's sexual needs whenever he needs to and must not reject him unless there's a justifiable reason like being ill or having the period, etc..
• She is not allowed to leave home without his permission (some scholars decree that the wife can leave home without his permission if that won't prevent her husband from being satisfied sexually when he needs to)
  

What are the wife rights in Islam?

• To be reasonably satisfied sexually by her husband
  
• To have her basic living expenses covered by her husband
• To be treated fairly (in basic living expenses & nights) as her counterpart(s) if her husband has multiple wives
• To end the relationship through an Islamic judge if the husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities towards her or causing some harm to her (the judge has to determine whether the reasons are reasonable or not)
  

How about love and respect?
Love is not a responsibility neither a right, it's something should be worked out and built by both of them. However, there are several Quranic verses and Hadiths encourage the couples to treat each other with respect and show affection towards each other, in other words people can't be instructed to love or not! Thus Allah didn't ask the couples to love each other, it's uncontrollable feelings it can't become a right or a responsibility but He encourage us as people in general and as couples in particular to treat each other with mercy and respect.

How about the houseworks?
In Islam the wife doesn't have to do the houseworks it's recommended/Mustahab for her to do so, in other words the husband can't force her to do the houseworks.

How about obeying the husband?
Principally from Islamic perspective, a person doesn't have to obey anyone, if that person chose to become a Muslim then s/he voluntarily accepted to obey the Messenger and follow the Message of Islam, it shouldn't be imposed on him/her. Obeying the parents is not Wajib/compulsory in Islam, however treating them nicely is and obeying them is recommended/Mustahab. In regard to obeying the husband, from Islamic legal perspective the wife doesn't have to obey the husband but since Islam put the husband as a family leader she probably needs to obey him in matters where it's related to the family directly as long as that won't lead her to commit something Haram/forbidden or leave something Wajib/compulsory. Neverthless, Islam encourages the husband to consult the wife and work things out with her mutually.

What most Muslims especially women don't know about marriage in Islam?
Most Muslims especially women don't know that marriage is basically a mutual agreement like any other agreement it has terms and conditions. The aforementioned responsibilities and rights for husband and wife are the default terms and conditions for the marriage agreement that sat by Islam but they only become effective and compulsory if the two parties (bridegroom & bride) don't oppose them explicitly! Moreover, most (if not all) of those terms and conditions are Islamically (according to Islamic legal system - Shariah) alterable completely or to some extent! For instance, the bride can accept on condition that she will be able to leave home without the husband permission, etc ..

Are there any limits on the conditions the bride & bridegroom can set on their marriage agreement?
No reasonable limits as long as the conditions don't causes either party to commit something Haram/Forbidden (e.g. drinking alcohol) nor to abandon something Wajib/compulsory (e.g. prayer). However, some sects decree that the bride can't ask the bridegroom to give up his right of marrying another woman while in other sects it's a valid condition.

So marriage in Islam is merely a mutual agreement between an eligible Muslim man with an eligible Muslim/Christian/Jewish woman?
From Islamic legal (Shariah) perspective yes, it's only a mutual agreement between an eligible Muslim man with an eligible Muslim or Christian or Jewish woman. However, from Islamic spiritual perspective it's much beyond that.

What makes marriage different from other agreements?
One word "Sex". In Islam sexual intercourse and erotic interactions are natural rights for males and females that can only be practiced through marriage. In other words, if an agreement between a Muslim man with a Muslim or Christian or Jewish woman has no implicit or explicit mention of performing sexual intercourse or erotic interactions then it can't be called a marriage but it becomes a normal agreement like any other agreement (e.g. trade agreement) that the two parties have to fulfill its conditions as they consented. Hence, Quraan calls marriage "Nikah/نكاح" which is an Arabic word that means "sexual intercourse"

Why does Quraan call marriage "Nikah/sexual intercourse"?
Apparently that's an objective/scientific naming as "sexual intercourse" is the unique attribute of this personal relationship compared to the other personal relationships. Love, respect, support, care, etc.. all may exist in other personal relationships like father-ship, mother-ship, brother-ship, sister-ship, friendship, etc..

Is "sexual intercourse" the only unique attribute of marriage compared to other personal relationships?
Yes. However, it has other unique features but they are the result of the sexual intercourse, like procreation then sub-consequently the parentship and childship, etc..

Sexual intercourse (marriage = husband-ship + wife-ship) --> procreation (parent-ship + child-ship + sibling-ship) --> subprocreation (grandparent-ship + grandchild-ship + uncle-ship + aunt-ship + cousin-ship)

Is marriage compulsory/Wajib in Islam?
No, all sects in Islam agree that marriage is not compulsory but rather recommended/Mustahab/Sunnah or permissible/Mubah, it becomes compulsory/Wajib if the person might commit adultery if remains single.

Is marriage really half the religion/Deen?
If marriage is not compulsory in Islam how can it be half of Islam/Deen/religion?! Certainly that can't be true. Yes, there are some Hadiths for the Prophet regarding that like he said ” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”

عن أنس رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه و آله وسلم قال: من رزقه الله امرأة صالحة فقد أعانه على شطر دينه فليتق الله في الشطر الباقي. رواه الطبراني في الأوسط والحاكم ومن طريقه للبيهقي وقال الحاكم صحيح الإسناد، وفي رواية البيهقي قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله و سلم: إذا تزوج العبد فقد استكمل نصف الدين فليتق الله في النصف الباقي. حسنه الألباني في صحيح الترغيب والترهيب.

If those Hadiths are true, then they don't mean it's literally half the religion/Deen. The Arabic meaning for the word Deen "دين" is "a lifestyle", however nowadays it usually refer to "religious lifestyle", also according to Islam this life is a test which is to live it according to religion (The Message of Islam). Thus, the Hadith may was referring to the marriage as half of person's life as the person will spend most of his life with his wife, so if that time will be spent wisely (hence "virtuous wife" not "any wife") according to the religion then he basically fulfilled half of his religion. I think the Hadith can be applied to both man and woman like in many Quranic verses even though it was talking about the husband.

And the definition is?
I leave this for you to form! :^)