Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Marriage in Islam: Is it Islamically acceptable for a woman to propose to a man?



In most marriages it's the man who propose to the woman, why it's not the opposite? or on a par with each other? Is it disgraceful for a Muslim woman to propose to a Muslim man?

It's widely known that the first marriage for the Prophet Mohammad was his first and most beloved wife Khadeejah who proposed to him indirectly. Khadeejah was impressed with the personality of the Prophet and she wanted to marry him. So she sent her friend Nafeesah bint Maniyyah to probe his stance regarding marriage.

Nafeesah: Mohammad, why you are not married yet?
The Prophet: I'm not ready yet (financially)
Nafeesah: What if you don't have to worry about that and found a girl that's wealthy, beautiful, noble, and dignified?
The Prophet: Who is she?
Nafeesah: Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid
The Prophet: How is that possible? I'm an orphan and not rich while she's very noble and wealthy
Nafeesah: Yes, it's possible, I'll take care of that.


ٍSo it was, Nafeesah liaised the marriage and the Prophet happily got married to Khadeejah.

نفيسة: يا محمد ما يمنعك أن تتزوج؟

الرسول (ص): ما بيدي ما أتزوج به..

نفيسة: فإن كفيت ذلك... ودعيت إلى المال... والجمال... والشرف... والكفاية.. ألا تجيب؟

الرسول (ص): فمن هي؟

نفيسة: خديجة بنت خويلد..

الرسول (ص): وكيف لي بذلك يا نفيسة؟ وأنا يتيم قريش، وهي أيم قريش ذات الجاه العظيم والثروة الواسعة.

فقالت نفيسة: قل بلى وأنا أفعل


Also Quraan narrates the story of Prophet Moses/Mosah's marriage to Jethro/Shuaib's daughter and how she indirectly proposed to him and got married.

And when he came to the well of Madyan, he found there a crowd of people watering [their flocks], and he found aside from them two women driving back [their flocks]. He said, "What is your circumstance?" They said, "We do not water until the shepherds dispatch [their flocks]; and our father is an old man."

So he watered [their flocks] for them; then he went back to the shade and said, "My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need."

Then one of the two women came to him walking with shyness. She said, "Indeed, my father invites you that he may reward you for having watered for us." So when he came to him and related to him the story, he said, "Fear not. You have escaped from the wrongdoing people."

One of the women said, "O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy."

He said, "Indeed, I wish to wed you one of these, my two daughters, on [the condition] that you serve me for eight years; but if you complete ten, it will be [as a favor] from you. And I do not wish to put you in difficulty. You will find me, if Allah wills, from among the righteous."
Quraan 28:23-27

وَلَمَّا وَرَدَ مَاء مَدْيَنَ وَجَدَ عَلَيْهِ أُمَّةً مِّنَ النَّاسِ يَسْقُونَ وَوَجَدَ مِن دُونِهِمُ امْرَأتَيْنِ تَذُودَانِ قَالَ مَا خَطْبُكُمَا قَالَتَا لا نَسْقِي حَتَّى يُصْدِرَ الرِّعَاء وَأَبُونَا شَيْخٌ كَبِيرٌ

فَسَقَى لَهُمَا ثُمَّ تَوَلَّى إِلَى الظِّلِّ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

فَجَاءَتْهُ إِحْدَاهُمَا تَمْشِي عَلَى اسْتِحْيَاء قَالَتْ إِنَّ أَبِي يَدْعُوكَ لِيَجْزِيَكَ أَجْرَ مَا سَقَيْتَ لَنَا فَلَمَّا جَاءَهُ وَقَصَّ عَلَيْهِ الْقَصَصَ قَالَ لا تَخَفْ نَجَوْتَ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ

قَالَتْ إِحْدَاهُمَا يَا أَبَتِ اسْتَأْجِرْهُ إِنَّ خَيْرَ مَنِ اسْتَأْجَرْتَ الْقَوِيُّ الأَمِينُ

قَالَ إِنِّي أُرِيدُ أَنْ أُنكِحَكَ إِحْدَى ابْنَتَيَّ هَاتَيْنِ عَلَى أَن تَأْجُرَنِي ثَمَانِيَ حِجَجٍ فَإِنْ أَتْمَمْتَ عَشْرًا فَمِنْ عِندِكَ وَمَا أُرِيدُ أَنْ أَشُقَّ عَلَيْكَ سَتَجِدُنِي إِن شَاء اللَّهُ مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ
القصص : ٢٣-٢٧

Obviously it's Islamically acceptable for a Muslim woman to decently (preferably indirectly) approach a Muslim man for marriage, it's rather recommended especially if the man is a decent and suitable person, more particularly if that person doesn't know much about the woman and how she feels about him, he could be interested in her as well but he may not know enough about her, that's quite common in Muslim societies especially in the non-mix ones where women have private/closed personality because of shyness and timidity while men are usually more open, it's not easy for some men to approach a woman for marriage if he doesn't know her or doesn't know enough about her, basically a person can't be loved until he/she is well-known to the other person.



Monday, January 4, 2010

Does Tawasul/التوسل or intercession contradict with the fundamental theistic principle of Islam?


The most fundamental principle of Islam is theism, that there's no God but God/Allah and He's solely should be worshiped and all other things are His creatures and slaves including His Messenger Mohammad. All Muslims regardless of their sects (Sunnah, Shia, Sufis, etc ..) believe in that. However, some Muslims do 'Tawasul (توسل)' which is pleading and begging Allah to fulfill the prayers for the sake of certain things or people, other Muslims ask Allah indirectly through the Prophet or the Prophet's household or other sacred people. Is Tawsul/التوسل or asking Allah indirectly through someone else contradicts with the fundamental theistic principle of Islam? Is it like associating partners with Allah (Shurik/شرك)?


إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ
الفاتحة : ٥

You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help.
Quraan 1:5


وَأَنَّ الْمَسَاجِدَ لِلَّهِ فَلا تَدْعُوا مَعَ اللَّهِ أَحَدًا
الجن : ١٨

And [it has been revealed to me] that the places of prayer belong to God, so do not invoke anyone along with God.
Quraan 72:18

وَيَعْبُدُونَ مِن دُونِ اللَّهِ مَا لاَ يَضُرُّهُمْ وَلاَ يَنفَعُهُمْ وَيَقُولُونَ هَؤُلاء شُفَعَاؤُنَا عِندَ اللَّهِ قُلْ أَتُنَبِّئُونَ اللَّهَ بِمَا لاَ يَعْلَمُ فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَلاَ فِي الأَرْضِ سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى عَمَّا يُشْرِكُونَ
يونس : ١٨


And they worship, besides God that which can neither hurt them, nor profit them; and they say, 'These are our intercessors with God'. Say: 'Would you tell God of what He does not know in the heavens or in the earth?' Glory be to Him!, and High be He exalted above what they associate!
Quraan 10:18


أَلا لِلَّهِ الدِّينُ الْخَالِصُ وَالَّذِينَ اتَّخَذُوا مِن دُونِهِ أَوْلِيَاءَ مَا نَعْبُدُهُمْ إِلاَّ لِيُقَرِّبُونَا إِلَى اللَّهِ زُلْفَى إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ فِي مَا هُمْ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لا يَهْدِي مَنْ هُوَ كَاذِبٌ كَفَّارٌ
الزمر : ٣
Surely to God belongs pure religion. And those who take besides Him patrons, [say]: ‘We only worship them so that they may bring us near to God’. God will indeed judge between them concerning that about which they differ. Truly God does not guide one who is a liar, a disbeliever.
Quraan 39:75


وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
البقرة : ١٨٦

And when My servants question you concerning Me, I am near; I answer the call of the caller when he calls to Me; so let them respond to Me, and let them believe in Me that they might go aright.
Quraan 2:186


First glance at the Quranic verses above would lead us to think that asking Allah through someone else is anti-theistic and it's like associating partners with Him as the pagans and idolaters used to do. However, if we ponder the verses again we would notice that the verses were referring to 'worship' and associating partners to Allah but that's not the same as Tawsul/توسل or asking Allah indirectly through some people.

قَالُواْ يَا أَبَانَا اسْتَغْفِرْ لَنَا ذُنُوبَنَا إِنَّا كُنَّا خَاطِئِينَ
يوسف : ٩٧

[His sons] answered: "O our father! Ask God to forgive us our sins, for, verily, we were sinners."
Quraan 12:111


وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَا مِن رَّسُولٍ إِلاَّ لِيُطَاعَ بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ وَلَوْ أَنَّهُمْ إِذ ظَّلَمُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ جَاؤُوكَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُواْ اللَّهَ وَاسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمُ الرَّسُولُ لَوَجَدُواْ اللَّهَ تَوَّابًا رَّحِيمًا
النساء : ٦٤

And We did not send any messenger except to be obeyed by permission of Allah . And if, when they wronged themselves, they had come to you, [O Muhammad], and asked forgiveness of Allah and the Messenger had asked forgiveness for them, they would have found Allah Accepting of repentance and Merciful.
Quraan 4:64


The Quranic verses above clearly indicate that it is permissible but rather recommended to seek forgiveness from Allah through sacred people like the Prophets.

Moreover, there are several Hadiths demonstrate that Tawsul/توسل is permissible and Muslims usually do it in crisis when their direct prayers don't seem to be fulfilled. Herein an incident:

حدثنا ‏ ‏الحسن بن محمد ‏ ‏قال حدثنا ‏ ‏محمد بن عبد الله الأنصاري ‏ ‏قال حدثني ‏ ‏أبي عبد الله بن المثنى ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏ثمامة بن عبد الله بن أنس ‏ ‏عن ‏ ‏أنس بن مالك ‏ ‏أن ‏ ‏عمر بن الخطاب ‏ ‏رضي الله عنه ‏
‏كان إذا قحطوا استسقى ‏ ‏بالعباس بن عبد المطلب ‏ ‏فقال اللهم ‏ ‏إنا كنا نتوسل إليك بنبينا فتسقينا وإنا نتوسل إليك بعم نبينا فاسقنا قال فيسقون ‏

صحيح البخاري : الجمعة: سؤال الناس الإمام الاستسقاء إذا قحطوا


Anas ibn Malik narrated that whenever there was a drought, 'Umar ibn Khattab used to pray for rain through 'Abbas ibn 'Abd al-Muttalib, saying: 'O Allah, we used to make Tawassul to you by our Prophet and you would send us rain. Here we are making Tawassul to you by the uncle of our Prophet, so send us rain.' He said and they would be given rain.

Sahih Al-Bukhari


Obviously according to the Hadith, Tawsul is not only permissible but is necessary especially in crisis. However, there's an argument of whether a Muslim can do Tawsul through a dead person. According to my research, the majority of scholars (Sunnah & Shia) decree that it's permissible to do Tawsul through the Prophet whether during his life or after his death.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Marriage in Islam: Is marriage really half the religion/Deen?

All Islamic sects (Sunnah & Shia) decree that marriage is not compulsory/Wajib, so if marriage is not compulsory then how it can be half of Islam/Deen/religion?! Certainly that can't be true. Yes, there are some Hadiths for the Prophet regarding that like he said:
” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”


عن أنس رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه و آله وسلم قال: من رزقه الله امرأة صالحة فقد أعانه على شطر دينه فليتق الله في الشطر الباقي. رواه الطبراني في الأوسط والحاكم ومن طريقه للبيهقي وقال الحاكم صحيح الإسناد، وفي رواية البيهقي قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله و سلم: إذا تزوج العبد فقد استكمل نصف الدين فليتق الله في النصف الباقي. حسنه الألباني في صحيح الترغيب والترهيب
.
If those Hadiths are true, then what did the Prophet mean by Deen in this context? Is it really religion/Islam? or something else? The word "Deen" as a term means "Religion" but linguistically it has different meanings. One of the Arabic meanings for the word Deen "دين" is "a lifestyle", but nowadays it commonly refers to "religion/doctrine" or "religious lifestyle":
لسان العرب:
الدَّيْدانُ والدَّيْدَنُ والدِّين: العادة، تقول: ما زال ذلك دَيدَنَه ودَيدَانه ودِينَه ودأْبَه وعادَتَه وسَدَمه وهِجِّيرَه وهِجِّيراه واهْجِيراه ودُرابَتَه


الصّحّاح في اللغة:
والدينُ بالكسر: العادةُ والشأن


مقاييس اللغة:
فإنّ الأصمعيّ قال: المَرَانة اسمُ ناقَتِه، وكانت تَعرِفُ ذلك الطريقَ، فلذلك قال: لا أكلِّفُها إلاّ المَرانة. حَتَّى تعرف الدِّين: أي الحالَ والأمر الذي تَعهده. فأراد لا أكلف بلوغَ هذه الدار إِلاّ ناقتي


القاموس المحيط:
والدِّيْنُ، بالكسر: الجَزاءُ، وقد دِنْتُه، بالكسر، دَيْناً، ويُكْسَرُ، والإِسْلامُ، وقد دِنْتُ به، بالكسر، والعادةُ، والعِبادةُ، والمُوَاظِبُ من الأَمْطَارِ، أو اللَّيِّنُ منها، والطاعة>


According to Islam this life is a test which is to live it according to religion (The Message of Islam/Islamic doctrine). Thus, the Hadith may was referring to the marriage as half of person's life because a married person spends almost half of his time with his wife (~8 hours = sleeping, ~4 hours = hanging out), thus if that time will be spent wisely (hence "virtuous wife" not "any wife") according to religion then he basically fulfilled half of his test. I think the Hadith can be applied to both men and women like in many Quranic verses even though it was talking about the husband. In other words, I think the Hadiths indicate that marriage is half one's life (or time) and if it's virtuous and righteous then it means the person managed to live half of his/her time righteously as Allah loves to.